I’m suffering from a massive cold and in the spirit of unfriendliness and overall dissatisfaction with my recently becoming late 30s guy I have the following news:
I am now old.
Here’s why:

• I can’t understand the appeal of ringtones.
• I don’t know why little girls love pink and purple and why companies take no risk when they market to girls with those colors.
• My head feels just a little bit smaller and more congested than it ever has before and I’m sure it’s because earlier practices are now paying off unkindly.
• My upper torso is shape shifting all by itself.
• Very soon I will ask the barber if he can just shave my head to 2 mm of stubble. This will make balding less an issue, they tell me.
• I have lately worn slippers.
• For my birthday a year ago, I was given a fanny-pack by my parents.
• For this birthday, I was given gift cards to nice online clothiers. My understanding is that the family no longer can predict my shirt size.
• I visit the Web for news and information.