My former landlord in Brooklyn wrote a very large and very scathing book about Rudy Giulani, former Mayor of New York City. My landlord met Rudy many, many times and simply referred to him as “Rudy.” I was always afraid our house would be firebombed. But I won’t get into it because the Onion basically summarized the story of Rudy this week. Here’s an excerpt:

Giuliani To Run For President Of 9/11
NEW YORK—At a well-attended rally in front of his new Ground Zero headquarters Monday, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani officially announced his plan to run for president of 9/11.
“My fellow citizens of 9/11, today I will make you a promise,” said Giuliani during his 18-minute announcement speech in front of a charred and torn American flag. “As president of 9/11, I will usher in a bold new 9/11 for all.”
If elected, Giuliani would inherit the duties of current 9/11 President George W. Bush, including making grim facial expressions, seeing the world’s conflicts in terms of good and evil, and carrying a bullhorn at all state functions.
“Let us all remember how we felt on that day, with the world watching our every move, waiting on our every word,” said Giuliani, flanked by several firefighters, ex-New York Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik, and Judith Nathan, his third wife. “With a campaign built on traditional 9/11 values, and with the help of every citizen who believes in the 9/11 dream, I want to make 9/11 great again.”